Bush supporters have pretty stressful lives these days. They get up every morning and brown people are still walking freely around the Middle East. Liberal and progressive activists have not yet accepted their subjugation to an authoritarian daddy-state. Some people are even saying that we should bring our troops home from Iraq!
Certainly, it’s a difficult time to be a right-wing nutjob Bush supporter and Iraq war cheerleader. But when these people get stressed out, they take comfort in thinking back to a time when things were easier, simpler, better. A time when you could win any argument simply by uttering the words, “Nine eleven”, as demonstrated in this transcript from the now-canceled CNN debate show “Crossfire”:
BEGALA: We all agree that Saddam is a bad man, but–
NOVAK: Osama bin Laden is a bad man too. Saddam is just like Osama.
BEGALA: I’m not defending Saddam Hussein, I’m just –
NOVAK: Nine eleven!
BEGALA: (stunned silence)
NOVAK: That’s right, Paul. Nine eleven.
BEGALA: Oh my God, Bob. You’re right. We should send thousands upon thousands of troops to die in Iraq for no reason.
NOVAK: If we don’t, then the terrorists have won. (Wraps self in cape, turns into a bat and flies away)
For several years, conservatives would utter the words “Nine eleven” and they would get whatever they wanted — vast authority to spy on innocent Americans, the power to deny people the right to a trial, broad powers to limit free speech and assembly, and even a blank check to invade a sovereign nation which posed no threat to us. Those who did not immediately submit to their whims were labeled “Un-American”, “unpatriotic”, and “traitors”.
But conservatives have overused this tactic over the past six years and it is becoming increasingly ineffective. People are realizing that the Republicans have simply been manipulating their fear.
So now when these whack-jobs get down on their knees at night to say their bedtime prayers, they ask God for just one tiny little thing:
America’s fabric is pulling apart like a cheap sweater. What would sew us back together? Another 9/11 attack.
The Golden Gate Bridge. Mount Rushmore. Chicago’s Wrigley Field. The Philadelphia subway system. The U.S. is a target-rich environment for al Qaeda.
Is there any doubt they are planning to hit us again? If it is to be, then let it be. It will take another attack on the homeland to quell the chattering of chipmunks and to restore America’s righteous rage and singular purpose to prevail.
Yes, right now the American people are arguing about whether our soldiers should be dying for an unnecessary elective war, or whether we should allow the government to spy on us, or whether Constitutional protections such as free speech and due process should be scrapped in the name of fighting terrorism. But man, just think how much better it would be if thousands of people were just violently massacred in a horrific terrorist attack in a heavily populated area! We could all be at a Lee Greenwood benefit concert right now!
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August 15, 2007 at 1:11 am
Oh, that would be awesome!! Plus, the preznint would tell us to go shopping again! We could buy more duct tape and plastic sheeting and a bunch of other stupid stuff we’ll never use. This is a win-win deal — bring it on!