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- August 14, 2007: Longing For Better (?) Days
- August 8, 2007: It Wasn't On The List
- August 7, 2007: Your Guide to Self Defense by State Representative Bob Allen (R-FL)
- August 6, 2007: On Supporting the Troops
- August 6, 2007: Evil Dynamite-Wielding Owls of Doom
- August 6, 2007: More Terrorist Signs to Watch For
- August 5, 2007: Kitty Picture Gallery Now Online
- August 4, 2007: How Safe Are YOUR State's Bridges?
- August 3, 2007: Identifying and Fighting Terrorists 101
- August 2, 2007: One Down. 73,763 More To Go?
Evil Dynamite-Wielding Owls of Doom
If you’re a progressive Democrat who favors the right for all citizens to keep and bear arms, the National Rifle Association is an organization that leaves you a little conflicted. On the one hand, they support a constitutional right that many feel is the Founders’ idea of a last line of defense against tyranny and despotism in our country. On the other hand, you must be aware that, as a progressive Democrat, the NRA hates you and also they are heavily armed.
One of the few things that the NRA has hated more than progressive Democrats is the McCain-Feingold (Bipartisan Campaign Reform) Act. This law was intended to, among other things, restrict the amount of influence held by corporations or “issue organizations” by restricting the use of “issue ads” prior to elections.
The NRA is one of those “issue organizations”. The Campaign Reform Act effectively meant that if the NRA wanted to air advertisements informing the electorate that liberal Democrats eat baby flesh and kick newborn puppies, they could not do so within the 60 days prior to a general election or 30 days prior to a primary. In a recent Supreme Court case, the NRA joined with Wisconsin Right to Life, Inc. to argue that this portion of the McCain-Feingold Act was unconstitutional. About a month ago, in a 5-4 decision, the court agreed with them and declared that they had a First Amendment right to air issue ads right up to election day.
So what kind of issue ads should we expect? Well, the NRA has been kind enough to lay out a little of their game plan through a detailed, illustrated fund raising pamphlet that was leaked to the Internet just a little after Christmas last year.
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All NRA literature can be summed up as follows: They. Are. Coming. For. Your. Guns.
In this case, the warning is aimed directly at the NRA’s core membership: Pistol-packing gray-haired grannies. A very perceptive observer may notice that while the NRA’s message might be aimed at granny, the evil jack-booted stormtroopers’ guns are not. The dude in the upper left has a flashlight equipped on his gun and as a result you can see where he’s aiming… at the gun on the floor. And that’s the basis of the problem here. If granny could get the one dude’s shin off her neck, she could maybe defend herself. But the tiny little gun, all alone in the spotlight, is completely defenseless. Who will defend the poor, lonely handgun? The NRA, that’s who!
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It seems like just about everybody wants to restrict gun rights these days. The NRA thought a good way counteract that sentiment would be to build a giant, 20-foot-tall revolver in the middle of a city. “Let’s see those gun control activists stop us NOW!” cackled the NRA.
Turns out, though, that Superman is a big-time gun control activist. And he’s kind of a jerk.
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Guns are useful for a lot of things. Hunting, law enforcement, personal security, target practice. Also, they are good at keeping enormous tidal waves from completely obliterating your home.
In this illustration, we see the same family from the previous illustration, and the father is saying, “Sure would be nice if we had a twenty-foot tall revolver right about now. But we don’t, so let’s stand here on our second-floor wraparound deck and await our impending doom.”
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There are a lot of scary things out there, and the NRA wants to make sure you are armed so you can deal with them effectively. One of the scariest things out there is a girl who doesn’t shave her legs, particularly if she also wears sandals. Here, we see the paragon of evil holding a gasoline can in one hand and a burning torch in the other. One would think that she would wait to light the fire until after she reached her destination and was no longer carrying a large container of extremely flammable liquid, but just because she is evil doesn’t make her smart.
What she lacks in brainpower she makes up for tenfold with her evil army of demonic animal minions. Wolves, oxen, pigs… even an Evil Dynamite-Wielding Owl of Doom (EDWOD) and a crustacean who has had Just. About. Enough. of the sitting in the aquarium with rubber bands around his hands. All of the animals are ready to exact their revenge on humanity for the cutting down of their woodland habitats and also for the slowly boiling them in pots of water.
Only one thing stands in their way: Guns. And the evil Democrats Who. Are. Coming. For. Them.
So expect to see a lot more of this as the 2008 election cycle begins to ramp up.
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