Several days ago we discussed some ways for average Americans to identify potential sleeper cell terrorists. As part of America’s ongoing Global War on Terror, Americans who are not themselves terrorists should consider themselves to be Alberto Gonzales’s Deputy Junior Terrorist-Hunting Rangers (AGDJTHR). To equip AGDJTHRs with more terrorist-fighting tips, we have compiled a few more things to be on the lookout for.
From the Virginia Terrorism manual we discussed last time, we have a handy list of tools of the terrorist trade. If you see anyone using any of the following items, please call Alberto Gonzales directly at (202) 353-1555.
- Still cameras
- Video cameras
- Binoculars
- Tape recorders
- Maps
- Charts
- Sketch pads
- Notebooks
- SCUBA equipment
If you see a guy wearing SCUBA gear holding a map and a sketch pad walking down the street, it is likely that a terrorist attack is imminent.
Finally, a book called Terrorism and Homeland Security: An Introduction with Applications gives us a few more tips on how to spot a suicide bomber amongst the general population.
- Wearing loose clothing
- Wearing bulky clothing
- Sweating
- Mumbling
- Unusually calm or detached
- Wearing a backpack
- Wearing inordinate amount of cologne or perfume
- Does not respond to authoritative voice commands
- Could be disguised as military, police, firefighter, medic, or pregnant woman
We now have a pretty detailed profile of the perfect terrorist. It will be a student wearing a business suit over SCUBA gear while disguised as a pregnant woman. They will be sweating and mumbling, wearing a lot of cologne or perfume, and using a cell phone or email. They will be calm, team-oriented and focused. They will likely be looking at a map or a chart through binoculars they got out of their backpack. They will refer to the Constitution and attempt to influence government and social policies. They will be familiar with their physical surroundings and will try not to attract attention to themselves, going so far as avoiding confrontations with the police.
If you see this person, keep in mind that they are a dangerous criminal terrorist mastermind. DO NOT attempt to apprehend them yourself… contact your local law enforcement and your nearest FBI field office immediately.
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